Daily Devotion...

So today I started the 12 steps program again, just to get back in touch with the basics of recovery and with the miracle that God has done in my life. SO here is today's scripture, to kick off what I hope to be a great, possitive, and productive week.

Genesis 1:26-31

"26 Then God said, “Let us make human beings[a] in our image, to be like us. They will reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, the livestock, all the wild animals on the earth, and the small animals that scurry along the ground.”
27 So God created human beings[b] in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.
28 Then God blessed them and said, “Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth and govern it. Reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, and all the animals that scurry along the ground.”
29 Then God said, "Look! I have given you every seed-bearing plant throughout the earth and all the fruit trees for your food.30 And I have given every green plant as food for all the wild animals, the birds in the sky, and the small animals that scurry along the ground—everything that has life.” And that is what happened. 31 Then God looked over all he had made, and he saw that it was very good! And evening passed and morning came, marking the sixth day."

All too often during or after addiction or major defeats in our lives we tend to focus on the bad in us and in our lives. We tend to base our abilities to achieve (or lack thereof) upon the cycle or pattern of failures that have plagued our lives due to the bad decisions that we have made. Although getting over "denial" is a first and healthy step in recovery, all to often we use this recent "failure" as a base of insecurity... a distorted lense through which we see ourselves and project more current failures. Although only after owning the repercussions of our own decisions and coming to terms with our failure can we truly learn and move on to a new future, we have to be very mindful not to sit in this failure.

God Himself has created us with inherent good and wonder in His own eyes. We humans, all of us, have goodness, potential, and a calling to rule over all he has created if we allow the healing that time brings and believe once again in our abilities. The past or recent failures are not a new paridigm that is set in stone in our lives. Rather it is often the tail end of the commet of destruction that has passed through and is making its way OUT from our lives. For those of us that believed this and held fast to this when the destruction was square upon us, I often wonder how it is that we find our self-confidence or victorious resolution wavering when this time is on its way out.

Perhaps it is the great length of time that we have had to endure and accept this "being a failure". Over time even the greatest of landmarks can be eroded and so it with our confidence. However, unlike in the natural world, the individual inside each and every one of us is a resilient being... a soul... a God created individual. We are not a body with a sould... rather we are a soul with a body. What is inside you and me cannot be destroyed and this has been ordained by the Lord Himself.

We must embrace this paradox of the failure of the sinful nature with the indestructable ability inside us to steer our own destiny toward the successes, once again that we once knew. We are our own men and women, each of us... our past does not make our future, but it is our past. We have suffered and we do suffer for our choices and we shall be a testimony to the world of this and hopefully, God willing, teach some to steer clear, and even more important, show others who identify with us that there is a way back, that we know the way, that it can be done, and let the light within us shine in our lives as a testimony that what is said is ture... "If it doesn't kill us, it only makes us stronger... Amen."

And so I begin this week, starting again with the basics for what I pray to be a great, blessed, and productive week for all of you as well as myself. God bless each and every one of you.

Todays Scripture...

Random passage or prove God exists... decide for yourself, God knows I have!

If you go look carefully the Spirit will inspire the message:

Esther 1:1-11
1Now it came to pass in the days of Ahasuerus, (this is Ahasuerus which reigned, from India even unto Ethiopia, over an hundred and seven and twenty provinces:)
2That in those days, when the king Ahasuerus sat on the throne of his kingdom, which was in Shushan the palace,
3In the third year of his reign, he made a feast unto all his princes and his servants; the power of Persia and Media, the nobles and princes of the provinces, being before him:
4When he shewed the riches of his glorious kingdom and the honour of his excellent majesty many days, even an hundred and fourscore days.
5And when these days were expired, the king made a feast unto all the people that were present in Shushan the palace, both unto great and small, seven days, in the court of the garden of the king's palace;
6Where were white, green, and blue, hangings, fastened with cords of fine linen and purple to silver rings and pillars of marble: the beds were of gold and silver, upon a pavement of red, and blue, and white, and black, marble.
7And they gave them drink in vessels of gold, (the vessels being diverse one from another,) and royal wine in abundance, according to the state of the king.
8And the drinking was according to the law; none did compel: for so the king had appointed to all the officers of his house, that they should do according to every man's pleasure.
9Also Vashti the queen made a feast for the women in the royal house which belonged to king Ahasuerus.
10On the seventh day, when the heart of the king was merry with wine, he commanded Mehuman, Biztha, Harbona, Bigtha, and Abagtha, Zethar, and Carcas, the seven chamberlains that served in the presence of Ahasuerus the king,
11To bring Vashti the queen before the king with the crown royal, to shew the people and the princes her beauty: for she was fair to look on...

Nothing like getting to show off your hot girl friend and having her not show up... Don't worry guys, if you're going through the same thing, don't worry she'll come through. :)

The Art of Language...

Got 11 or 12 days till Art Class comes to a close... no more worrying about the burdens of artistic license after that... I'd like to appeal to my teacher for some guidance on the final and to get the project rolling... but Spanish is a running class. I've been working on that latley, in the books anyways. I haven't really had much of a chance to practice it in the real world. Yesterday was just such a chance. Although it was only one day, for which I was unprepared... it was nice for my ear to get some time listening to live Spanish. I wish I had a few hours of face time every day like yesterday, if that was the case, I'd be SO much better by the end of the semester when summer hits. I was thinking maybe I can be transfered to the North side of town where there is nothing but constant Spanish going on? After all I did atend school there and would fit right in. Maybe get a job raising chickens or making tortillas, milking cows, pumping water, whatever. Then when I was ready I could take off and visit comewhere cooler. I'm trying to think of ways to inidate myself and immerse myself in as much Spanish as possible. Where I am at just is not cutting it. I need to learn to speak it, and say it... I can kind of write it and can read it pretty good. I need to work on verbal skills and listening skills. I need daily face time, hours of it. Who knows, if I could find a way to make money and get that at the same time... WOW! I'm thinking that I might go t the sugar-cane fields? I just don't know. I need some help, I know there is a perfect answer, many of them, just waiting for me. SO, any of you with answers or ideas may want to swing some my way... I'd be greatful. PLEASE HELP!!!

Shoe Jacked!

So we've all heard of car-jacked and know what that is... but I got shoe jacked. I had a new pair of bad-ass Signal Shoes... obviously they were so hot that they got stollen from me one hot summer night at the pad. Oh well, things come and go... but custom Signal Shoes... they go even faster. In fact, they go so fast it's like the speed of light... and yes, I could run faster and jump higher in them... just ask anyone. However, not fast enough or I'd still have 'em ;) !

Now that my Signal Shoes have been jacked I've downgraded to my back-up shoes, like I've had to do with just about everything in my life. In these old shoes I feel slower. It's like I'm always so behind in any race that I just feel like I suck these days. Down and out a bit, yes and the recent cold front only makes things worse. But I'll survive. I've been atending Mass recently, yes I'm Catholic. Recently there was a very important and critical Mass that occured. Father Simon held a special blessing and sermon during mass and I wasn't going to miss it, no matter how late I ended up being. Ya, I feel bad for being late, but what am I really supposed to do? It's been really foggy lately and it's not like I can just walk Mass like on the clear days. Anyhow, I real and I'm sorry, but I'm not realy sorry... and I'm not sorry for being sorry.. hahaha later gators. I'm off to the other place now, time for lights out... because where I'm going there is no longer any electricity at night... which sucks for me. Rolling black-out and where I live we have perpetual black outs every night now... nice. Got to make the days count I guess because nights are done :(

Born to Perform!

OK, so there I was, up onthe big stage, another night of Kereoke. It was just me alone... searching for fame by MY SELF ON PA, UNCUT! At the end of that things came to a head, yet I found a call to me for an oncore. Don't get me wrong, born perform into showbiz, I've always been part of the lime light... but I'm truly humble despite my needy grabs for attention... so it is with great humility and reservation that I brag about my performance. But how can I refuse such a great crowd after all. So there I was hopping around on stage like a Gazelle. I couldn't be stopped had it not been for the complete determination of the great number of contestants. I mean one, two... even ten of them probably would not have been fair. One on one... well my fans know the story.. they don't stand a chance... never have, never will. It takes a real animal on stage to bring me down in the charts. Even that, one on one I think I'd kill thier career single handedly if I wasn't spreading myself so thinly between shows. I mean I'm not scared of the competition, not one bit... not when I was in K-12... not midway through at 9,10, or 11.. and not now POST 9/11 having the airways full of crap in our POST modern era. That night was crazy, I hopped from one stage to another, probably 7 or 8 total, maybe more. BUt I had it in me and I wasn't going down easy. My manager knows what to expect from me and until she throws in the flag for me, or let's me know that's the plan, I'm all GO in any competition... to infinity and beyond. I mean what a show it was... although I do feel like an object a little, possibly in danger with the pyrotechnics effects and all... but all that shit if over my head, litterally. I just do what my manager says, do what comes naturally, and watch for falling SPARCS, now and in the future. After all, I don't want to end up like Michael Jackson do I... the fire took a chunk out of his ass. Must have been all the Three Flowers... that shit can do amazing things when exposed to heat. I was never too scared of loosing, I knew that this day was coming, the face-off with my nemesis was in evitable. All good performers, even the BEST have had thier show down a time or two. I knew it was coming and although I'm not hip to everything, I knew it was coming. I was never worried about my career, more worried about how I looked in the public eye. I didn't want to damage my image too much if you know what I mean. Well, I know with the recent Bail Out and finacnial crisis that full circulation of money has not taken place, but that was foreseeable with knowledge we have from those close to use in the industry. I have bitten my tongue when it comes to stuff stuff that I don't need to worry about. Oppinionated yes, stupid or paranoid about industry hype... not these days. Although I've never had official voice lessons I can move up the charts with the best of them. My natural survival and competitive skills are, I think, well above average and can only get better. However, if my manager had made a deal to throw a show and share the winnings with me, I'd have no choice but to go along and perhaps could call in sick and save face nextime. First of all I must say that I know She, my manager, has the best in mind for me... I just know it. I'm a performer on the side and not a manager into all that stuff... mayb e someday, but not yet... I know that she wants me to succeed and has bet alot of time and resources on my success. I will succeed and will provide a great return on investment in the end... I was born to win, to be the leader of the charts, created for this and this I know. What I have learned is that the premise of the story of Tonya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan is a motif found all too often in competition. People will take you out, one way or another if you are competiting with them. In a perfect world, it would be through honest competition and atrition. But in our world, people will find your weaknesses and exploit them. In Nancy's case, it was her knee. A skater needs those I guess... and uses them often. Now, you can't get rid of your use of knees... but you can decide where you practice and how secure your environment is. Someone like who had a known rival (person or team) should never had let thier guard down. I mean, we are all human, and that's the problem. People WILL exploit our weaknesses and we can either change them (which is all but impossible), avoid them entirely (which can make like sucky boring), or keep our guards up and think like our enemies knowing that if they know what we know (and often do), who, what, how, where (and forget why)... would it go down. What's possible, where could you be flanked? By who? Atacked where? Are your cornered? Can you excape? Do you have backup? Contingency plans? Or better ... avoidance! Weaknesses will always be targeted.. but it's up to us if they are perpetually exploited. It's a burden of a ballance to work out with "regular and enjoyable" life. But then again... that is part of being an Olympian... NANCY!